by Cata Low
A friend and I were talking recently about the problem-oriented filter of our media. The strata of information that’s presented as news each evening can be an avalanche of despair. Oklahoma City, Bosnia, AIDS, Child abuse, O.J. Simpson...
So what’s not wrong? We fall too easily into the idea that life is a series of “problems” to be “solved,” and we forget to even notice and enjoy what’s right!
I had a student who had chronic headaches—migraines. She worked for a large corporation and had a very responsible job. At one point in the course, she realized that her label at work was “problem solver.” That meant that her job, for 40 hours a week, was to find problems to solve. Her entire attention was focused on problems. Hence, the headaches. When she refocused her attention on “what’s right,” the solution, the headache went instantly. The trouble is, it becomes a habit. We leave work and come home to relax, and if we still have the “problem filter” on, what are we going to do? Not spend time doing things we enjoy, but continue the endless battle.
So, what’s right? Another one of my students told me of a school of psychology that he attended where he was asked to fill out an unusual psychological profile. Instead of listing his problems and hang-ups, it asked him to recall the peak experiences of his life. So he wrote about those times of overflowing joy, awe, wonder, intense inspirational moments, surges of creativity, and weeping gratitude.
The professor looked at it, turned to him, smiled, and said, simply, “Great! Whatever you were doing during those times, do more of that!”
Just “do more of that?” Is it that easy? What really makes you happy? Is it having a spotless house? Or choosing to be alive?
When Patrick Swayze went to Anand Nagar, the poorest section in Calcutta to film City of Joy he said it changed his life. He saw swarms of humanity in a condition that would disgust us. What shook him to his foundation was the spirit of love and generosity with which these people live.
A French hostage held in Iran told of his time in solitary confinement. He spent so much time alone that he began to love the silence. He reached deep places of peace in his own heart and soul that had never been touched. He said he feared no one would understand, but being released was a let-down on one level.
Recently, I had an “ordinary” experience of choosing “What’s Not Wrong.” En route to Florida, I stopped at a little cafe on the beach in a small southern town. I ordered lunch and went to sit at the one available table outside. A woman right behind me said in a weak and whiny voice, “Do you mind if I take that chair? I’m not feeling too well.”
My first internal response was, “Gads, I hate whiny people.” So I said “OK” a bit abruptly, and started back inside. (That was Choice 1: Something’s Wrong.)
She said, “You can join me.” I started to say, “No thanks,” but then I caught myself. I said, “Why not?” and smiled and sat down. (That was Choice 2: What’s Not Wrong?)
I asked her why she was feeling bad. She began to talk. She told me she was from New York City, and her doctor had told her that she had cancer and had two to six weeks to live. She was here in this small town, of all places, because there was a special clinic here.
Well, we sat at that table in the sun for four magical hours and talked about everything from cats to quarks. She was walking that razor’s edge between life and death, and her eyes and ears and heart and soul were wide open. We felt grace. We watched bugs and butterflies. We talked about God and good books. We shared our philosophies. People came and went around us like planets circling around suns. We occupied the timeless space in which miracles occur.
It was late afternoon when her friend came and suggested they go home. We hugged, and she told me, “When I first came in the store, I was tired from my treatment. When we began to talk, all of that disappeared. I feel so alive!” I said, “So do I!”
It was sunset when I got back on the I-10 heading toward Florida, and I basked in the mystery and love of that encounter.
The media is full of stories of victims and despair. It seems we are asked to focus on the sufferings of the world. And they exist everywhere. But in the eye of that hurricane, if we will stop and remember to feel, there is something deeper and saner than all the chaos. Patrick Swayze felt it in Calcutta. The Frenchman felt it in solitary confinement. I felt it in a Southern town.
If you are tired of “What’s Wrong” and would like to have the perspective to spend more time in “What’s Right,” you may want to explore the Avatar Course.Cata Low, Austin, Texas
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