My husband and I recently divorced after 24 years of marriage. I know it was the right step for us, yet that did not keep it from being a sad and painful process for me.
I relocated some 2000 miles away, set up a temporary home with a friend, and very soon did The Avatar Course.
At one point in my grieving process, some weeks after Avatar, I felt so stuck and bogged down in the sorrow that I decided to do a Walk for Atonement about my ex-husband.
We had a lot of company arriving that day for a cookout by the pool, and I felt I couldn’t bear to mix and socialize in that state. There was nowhere to go before guests started arriving, so I decided to close my eyes, pretend I was in a forest, and walk from one corner of my bedroom to the far corner of my adjoining bath. I took tiny steps to give myself space to really do the process thoroughly.
As soon as I spoke the first words and took my first step I felt slammed to my knees. It was like a pile driver had hit me. I was shaking with wracking sobs as a torrent of grief and tears erupted from my body. I had just enough presence of mind to trust the process and let it flow till it subsided.
Then I stood and began my walk again. As I took my second step and began the second sentence, the same force hit me again, and again I found myself on my knees in uncontrolled weeping.
Five times I went to my knees as dam after dam broke, and the emotions washed through me. I have never in my life experienced anything like that before but just kept trusting the process and myself.
From that point on I began to feel lighter and lighter. By the time I reached my destination the tears subsided. On my return trip I blessed my husband and every aspect of his life I could think of, sincerely and deeply, and truly from my heart. I felt my love for him flow into every word I said, and from me to him.
At the end of the process I was filled with peace and love. I went straight to the pool with a big smile on my face and joined the party. A young woman came up to me and started pouring out her troubles to me. She talked for over an hour and I had all the attention I needed to listen with compassion, respecting her creations without judgment and without trying to fix or advise her.
When she finally said all she wanted, she felt much better, and I still had all the energy I needed for the next thing. Not one person ever suspected I had been in emotional agony only minutes before, I was so clear and calm.
Since then I have used this process to help me realign myself in many ways. I have always found it to be a very powerful exercise. It seems to restore me to the genuine part of me that is the source of love and creativity of my life. I just want to thank Harry and everyone concerned with The Avatar Course, and especially my instructor, Shelia Norling, for sharing it with me so powerfully and so beautifully, and for the difference it has made in my life.
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