Nobody Picks On Robert Anymore

by Mary Palko

I’ve worked at group homes for deaf, at-risk children for three years. These kids come from bush villages and small towns all over the state of Alaska to attend school in Anchorage. Their home situations range from neglect and alcoholism to abuse and abandonment.

I started using the ReSurfacing exercises because I was feeling overwhelmed and inadequate. Nothing fully prepared me for the challenges of working with these kids. The ReSurfacing exercises I use have allowed me to resolve many volatile situations peacefully. Everyone walks away feeling good about themselves.

This year I worked at a house full of boys ranging in age from 7 to 19 years old. All the boys were deaf except Robert, who was hard of hearing and was teased relentlessly.

One evening I pulled Brian aside after I’d found him teasing Robert. As I talked to Brian, it became clear that he thought teasing Robert was the right thing to do. Robert deserved to be teased. After all, he couldn’t sign very well, so he must be stupid. The weird gyrations he does while holding a brush like a microphone must mean he’s crazy.

We were getting nowhere. Then I had an idea. I told Brian that maybe I should tease him for a day. Maybe all the staff should tease him for a day. Brian looked horrified. I asked him, “Right now, what are you feeling?” He told me he felt bad, hurt inside. Then paraphrasing The Compassion Exercise, I asked him to say, “Just like me, Robert feels bad, hurt inside when somebody teases him.”

After that, I had Brian say, “Just like me, Robert wants to be happy.” Next was, “Just like me, Robert wants to have friends,” and finally, “Just like me, Robert is still learning about life.”

Brian changed his thoughts about picking on Robert. Instead of teasing, I asked him to think of something nice that he could do for Robert. Brian decided that he would apologize and do Robert’s household chore for the day.

Brian never picked on Robert again. The next day, when another boy started picking on Robert, Brian just shook his head and walked away. Without Brian as an appreciative audience, it was no fun picking on Robert. Two days later, nobody picked on Robert anymore.

The Compassion Exercise isn’t written quite the way I used it here, but the intention and the results are the same.

This story has been translated from the American Sign Language, in which it occurred. Just another example of how the ReSurfacing tools work wherever you are in whatever language you use.

Mary Palko, Girdwood, Alaska

 

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