ReSurfacing® Revisited

By Jenny Fryer

“What do I need to take with me?” I asked myself as I prepared to attend one of the advanced Avatar courses.

I riffled through stacks of papers and books, wanting to be sure that I carried everything I would need. Onto the floor fell several sheets of paper stapled together. On its front was the lone word, Avatar. The word wasn’t in regular type, of regular size, for the purpose of identifying its contents. “Avatar” leaped off the page as a headline, the colors inviting, complete with shadows and outline that shouted it was special. I smiled, remembering my need to make everything I did special and out of the ordinary, because I felt ordinary, and not at all special.

As I leafed through the pages, a feeling of déjà vu crept over me. I slid down into a chair and began to take a closer look. It was the Personality Profile that I was required to do before my very first Avatar experience. It was ReSurfacing: Exercise One in the ReSurfacing book.

Memories of that time surrounded me. I had been excited to get the materials, but as I read through the book, ReSurfacing, I had to wonder, “How can this change my life?” In Exercise 2 the instructions read: “Take a walk...” “I wonder if that’s like when you want to tell someone to go take a hike,” I joked with myself. I didn’t know it then, but now I recognize how afraid I was. The instructions went on: “...notice something, and decide how you would describe it.” “Yeah, right,” I thought.

“Change my life.” I had labeled myself The Queen of Self-help for obvious reasons. None of the books, tapes, or workshops had worked long term, and all of them appeared much more involved than what was described here.

But I was desperate to change my life, so my decision to do the course stood firm.

“Ah, the homework,” I remembered, as I now began to read my Personality Profile in greater detail. How I had dreaded answering those questions. “Besides,” I thought, “I really don’t know a lot of the answers. I don’t know what I think, what I want. No one else is as confused as I am. I’m afraid I may be beyond help - beyond changing. Poor me!” It was the early a.m. hours of the day I was to begin the course when I actually began answering the questions. I moved through them quickly, giving little thought to the answers. After all, I needed to get a little sleep before beginning this special day that I had such high hopes for. I had managed to delay until the last possible moment, even to the point of creating a really special cover for the then blank pages.

It was in this sober mood I began to read my responses to the questions. That is, my responses to the questions I had answered, or at least partially answered. As I read, I began to turn the pages more quickly. My mood lightened. I was smiling—first on the inside, then on the outside. “Who wrote this?” I considered, knowing it had to be me.

From my new vantage point, having experienced The Avatar Course, it appeared that a much wiser and more insightful person had changed my answers. The person described was a miserable, depressed person, a victim of life circumstances. She could identify many of her weaknesses and even a few strengths. It surprised me to read that she did have an idea of what she wanted, but had not a clue how to get there.

Sudden emotion flowed, wetting my eyes with tears. I allowed myself to feel it without reservation. And then I felt immersed in perfect quietness as I read the answer to the question: “What would it take to convince you that you had succeeded?” The answer: “When most days I wake up feeling joy and peace, looking forward to the activities of the day. When I am able to have more meaningful relationships with more people (on different levels.) When I feel happy more than sad, and good more than bad.” I stared at the small stack of paper. I held in my hand evidence that I hadn’t been so hopeless or unenlightened after all. Without even knowing that I knew, I had known what I wanted after all.

I smiled, realizing how grateful I was for this unexpected, but timely encounter with my previously resisted Personality Profile. Now I was ready to consciously acknowledge my success. ReSurfacing had been the beginning of a wonderful journey of self discovery.

With renewed energy and excitement I quickly completed my packing, eager to continue my journey.

Jenny Fryer, Florida

 

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