by Karen O'Neal

As a child, maybe seven or eight years old, I remember wanting responsibility so much. I wanted to be trusted by my elders, to be seen as mature. I wanted the privileges I saw older people have. I wanted to be listened to and have others do as I directed. I wanted the freedom to go and do as I pleased and somehow I felt like growing up and being ‘responsible’ would give me that freedom.

As I became older, I found I felt less and less freedom. Responsibility became a very heavy burden, full of obligations and extreme pressure to try to do what I was supposed to do.

As time went by and I developed more roles in life, I found I wanted to be the best student, best wife, best mother, best employee. That seemed to be the most responsible thing to do. But, an ironic thing happened, I stopped being the best me. I was so busy being what others wanted to be that I lost track of myself, who I really was, what made me special and unique.

And all that pressure I was putting on myself to be the best, it just added up to unidentifiable health problems. I was tired of trying to be someone I wasn’t. Then, serendipity occurred and life lined up in just the right way so that I became an Avatar. And my life changed.

The first time I completed the Avatar Mini-Course on Basic Will, many of my beliefs about responsibility began to shift. I could see that when responsibility felt like a burden to me, I was operating more out of instinctive, emotional or moral will. When I’m acting out of more self-determined or transcendent will, responsibility does feel like freedom.

Harry says, “Freedom is a measure of the number of decisions a person makes. As long as there is more pleasure than pain connected with making decisions, a person desires more freedom and less indoctrination.”

As an Avatar, I’ve continued to learn about responsibility. The tools have helped me to be more deliberate, more decisive and true to my higher self. When I feel the freedom of responsibility, I can feel the care I have for others and the connection we have.

My awareness has increased, so now I can actually FEEL when I’m operating out of the burden of responsibility. Using the tools I’m able to shift quickly into a different space, where responsibility does feel like freedom, like a privilege and a joy.

Karen O’Neal is an Avatar Master from Texas.

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