by Laura-Lea Cannon
Do you ever find yourself cruising the personal classified ads looking for your perfect mate? (And hoping no one you know will catch you doing it?) Do you wonder if the one you’re with is the right one? Have you resigned yourself to the task of creating the perfect inner relationship, because it’s decidedly not out there?
I have rolled around all of the above over the last two decades (or so), observing with great fascination the changing tides of relationships—both of my own and others. It seemed the older I got, the more fussy and demanding I was about all the qualifications I wanted in a mate. I even wrote out an experimental want ad for my perfect partner, but it was so long it read like an essay and would’ve cost me a fortune to run it. Yet I was clear that I wouldn’t settle for less. I’d been practicing at relationships for awhile—R&D, if you will—and I was clear what I wanted. I’d been close a few times—two marriages—both with powerful and talented men, but neither of them could withstand the furious winds of change.
I was stumped; and I wasn’t getting any younger.
In l99l, I did the basic Avatar course with the primary intention of unraveling my limiting beliefs about relationship, intimacy, abandonment, fear of commitment, etc. The koan (or puzzle) of how to create and sustain love in this world seemed core to my entire incarnation. I went “awhacking at the beast” with great fervor during that first training. Periodically, I celebrated a few victories. But for some time, I remained fundamentally puzzled and even questioned why I should bother with this relational quest. I had created a rather lovely independent life, which had many close and wonderful friends. Why not focus on some other creation?
But I couldn’t quite let it go. I began to realize the issue at hand was more than my personal quest for a partner. I was encountering huge thoughtforms about polarity, duality, the inner balance of male/female, the cultural beliefs I still unwittingly hauled around, as well as a deep internalization of my parents’ modeling. How was I ever going to get free of all the baggage and create what I wanted? How could I unplug “Father Knows Best,” “My Three Sons” and “Donna Reed” from my interior program and design?
The answer to that question began rather quickly to unfold. With the support of the Avatar tools, I was able to identify the beliefs that were limiting my intimate relationships. It’s probable that some of the ones I came across are shared realities with others of my generation. For instance: How could I be a strong, creative and independent woman, and still be someone’s mate? Another one was: Somewhere there’s a person outside of me who will fill up all the holes within, and together we will make a perfect whole. And the one that got all mixed up with past-life religious training: I had to choose between my love for the Divine and my love for a man—I could not have both.
The list of beliefs went on and on. I was fortunately able to recognize that the fundamental issues I faced were gifts in disguise, so I enjoyed the exploration. It was like doing an archeological dig through layers of relationship stratifications. Personal memories, expectations, defenses—they all were jumbling around. Avatar had shown that if I fully experienced the challenges, the painful memories, and the limitations, I could choose to let them go—to discreate them and change my energetic relationship to them. I knew I could identify with a Self that was much more expanded than the limited personality that had grasped, suffered and wailed about love. I could fully own that I had chosen to experience all my dramas in order to better learn the lessons that love and intimacy can teach.
I found myself getting happier to be myself, just as things were. I focused less and less on the details of relationship and obsessed about it hardly at all! I began to fully enjoy the textures of love that abundantly existed amongst family, friends, animals and nature. As a result of my request, I was more whole and joyful than I ever thought was possible.
It would be a happy ending if I left it at that, no? But the story does go on. I met David at an Avatar training several years ago. We had a wonderful connection at the time, but I didn’t see much of him until two years ago. We walked into each other’s lives at a time when we were both ready to soar beyond the contracting beliefs surrounding love and expand into limitless realms. We were married in September and have found the kind of joy, harmony and co-creativity that I used to dream about. And we keep it alive and vibrant by using the Avatar tools and passing them onto others.
Now that I’ve fulfilled one of my life-long dreams, I’m liberated to create even bigger ones! I feel the sense of excitement that comes when one finds their wings and learns to fly. The horizons continue to expand; the territory is always new; the possibilities are endless.
Laura-Lea Cannon, Boulder, Colorado
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