A Journey Of Exploration Into Consciousness

A Daily Journal of my Avatar Training (February 16-23, 1991)

by Amnon Shomlo

Day 1

The first day was dedicated to Section 1. The review of key concepts in the book CREATIVISM and its preliminary exercises were fun and entertaining. The completion of the personal inventory questionnaire directed my attention to those areas in my life I was determined to change, including some that had escaped my notice in recent months. I am impressed with the thoroughness of this questionnaire. It actually covered all important areas I wanted or needed to address.

I am still excited about the way this course has come together for me. In my wildest dreams I wouldn't have imagined the possibility of being a single student, taught by two masters -- Mieke Madel from Amsterdam, and David Beede from Gainesville, Florida. Their different backgrounds and different life experiences seem to complement each other. An accepting, loving atmosphere has already been established among the three of us. I feel open and safe. In fact, I know I was led to the right trainers. Everything is perfect.

I have an unusual mixture of feelings: an anticipation of the most dramatic trans formation of my life, but a sense of peace and ease at the same time.

Day 2

The beginning of Section II. The more I do the exercise, the easier it gets. The "chatter of my mind" is the only thing that stays in the way. In fact, feeling whatever is present is the natural, effort less thing that would happen, but I notice how I've learned to block it off, to resist it, by keeping my thoughts running.

As I continue with this practice, I experience an increasing lightness in my body. This is an indication of less stress, less thinking and more feeling. I begin to absorb spaces and nature scenes from my surroundings, to really experience them. The lightness in my body further increases. It feels more enjoyable.

I became the plant, the tree, the grass, a flying bird, David, Mieke. As the plant, I felt being green and alive. This aspect of aliveness, though with different 'flavors," reappeared with each animated object I experienced. I am beginning to remember. ..my exhilarating essence...my childhood...

I have experienced several (selected) beliefs. It was interesting to discover that a distinct energy package enveloped each idea. It has an instant effect on my body (the way it registers or manifests in terms of physical sensation, location, size, and energy quality). It felt as if each idea has substance and character of its own.

Each opinion acts like a filter or a color I clothe the experienced space with. As the opinion changes, so the feeling of the space wears a new color/flavor. I am particularly amazed to notice how an opinion I form about a person dominates my feeling of them. This must be a key to how I create my experiences (and my relationships) with people. What a valuable lesson!

The final exercises of Section II brought up for me the observation that my mind is like a stubborn maniac who insists on attaching itself to anything possible, just so that it remains active or running the show. Also, I felt the stress in my shoulders and the discomfort creeping back into my body. As I continued, I felt lighter, relieved from my bodily tension, and enjoyed my unification with my environment. This exercise was like an open-eyed meditation.

Day 3

This day was signified by the introduction of the 'Creation Exercises.!! This process is too powerful! It is beyond words.

If I was told that in just three days I could learn to clear my mind from thoughts to the extent of experiencing uninterrupted feelings, I would have said: !!Hey, if you can deliver such a promise, I am more than ready to pay the tuition of both Sections II & III just for the purpose of learning this skill." For a person like myself, who resisted feeling and ceased to experience emotions since the age of 10, this is nothing short of a miracle at the age of 38!

So, here is the overwhelming evidence:

Since the third day of my training, I am not just doing that, but I am also able to FEEL, uninterrupted by thought, or what is commonly termed as "the chatter of the mind."
I have also experienced a process that removes all conflicting responses (feelings, judgments, and beliefs), that contradict or resist another feeling or belief that I have chosen to experience. And I did it successfully several times on the third day.

Also, as an unexpected bonus, I have cleared and freed my body from all tensions and uncomfortable sensations that were present during the experience of this process, including several chronic pains I carried for 10-20 years. I am now able to induce or diffuse any emotion I choose and to relieve any physical dis comfort in a matter of seconds.

Well, how is that for a preliminary process? I can't imagine what it would be like on my 6th or 7th day of this training mg. At the end of the third day, my level of alertness, my mind and body's clarity are to the degree I haven't experienced since I was 4-5 years old.

Day 4

The highlight of this day was that I actually began to create my new reality.

This skill alone is worth everything I've acquired in all other growth programs and disciplines which I have taken in the past 20 years put together!

What is exciting about these creations is that I don't need to labor them like affirmations. They are a permanent manifestation of my reality at any moment, until I may choose to modify or !!discreate!! any of them. This is aligned with my concept of "absolute freedom of choice," which has now been trans formed into a very practical skill.

Days 5-7

Section III: During these days I learned and practiced the "discreation"
technique as part of the Creation Handling Procedure. This is the original tool developed by Harry Palmer in the sensory deprivation tank. It is a really simple, but all powerful procedure, to which the whole Avatar training leads.

One of the key aspects of this process is that it has enabled me to get in touch with myself as the originator of my creations, and to rediscover the motivation behind them. By reclaiming the responsibility for our creations (our life and our reality), we inevitably express self-honesty, integrity, and honor. We are acknowledging a reality free of victims and victimizers, which is, probably, the most immediate challenge facing humanity today. Once again, this path coincides with my concept of "absolute freedom of choice."

In the book CREATIVISM Palmer says: The product of dishonesty is separation... The product of honesty is the willingness to integrate with the consciousness of other beings. Intentional sharing. Connection and experience of oneness. Experience of the 'A WARE WILL'...

Ultimately, all dishonesty is only self deception.

Sometimes to avoid or lessen our sense of guilt when we are dishonest, we create the identities of others who deserve to be cheated, swindled, robbed, lied to, deceived, sued or defrauded in some way. Then by the denial of responsibility for these creations, we reinforce the illusion that these identities and the qualities they represent are 'real' and exist separately and independently out side of our control.

The illusion that our secrets are secret and that we are deceiving another slows our recovery of the infinite creative power that defines all beings...

As we begin revealing to ourselves the pattern's of our own self-deception we may want to change former directions. In some instances it will mean breaking old habits, turning into a flow, and being for a while feeling swept along, out of control. But if we persist, we will discover we travel the path of master and saint.

Undoubtedly, this is the ultimate skill I have been longing for for many lifetimes. I get evidence of it every time I use it, because it opens a path to experiencing the state of pure awareness, the absolute, the source of creation, the place of all possibilities. From this perspective I express myself as the un limited creator. I am able to experience myself as the primal source behind all forces and events, previously delegated to external (or "higher") powers. It is truly a fascinating journey of exploration into consciousness, and into all the stuff our Universe is made of. I feel so grateful, so accomplished. Lifetimes and years of searching have come to an end. I am home, at last!

Graduation

After the Ultimate Process you can't feel anything, but complete. David is handing me a certificate, which is actually an invitation to become a master who delivers Avatar. I also receive a gift of three cassettes of David's songs and music, and we listen to two songs he has composed, inspired by his own Avatar training. These moments are so real, that we are actually absorbed in each word sung.

For an instant, I reflect back upon the extraordinary journey I have just completed, the feelings of awakening from a dream, and proudly noting to myself:

"This is really me! This is what I created; this is my creation!" Then I realize that I can only exist in the present, here and now, and that I am at the beginning of the only journey there is, the journey of an Avatar...

The tears are flowing from Mieke's eyes, slowly and tenderly. She is growing in such a light...The three of us are immersed in the splendid ness of this moment, in the sharing of this creation, the rebirth of a new Avatar...

Helping Mieke and David to pack, hugs, goodbye, they drive away. But they are still here, since from SOURCE we have never departed...

 

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