by Peter de Haan
Three years after I did The Master Course, out of the blue I received a ticket to La Gomera from a friend who couldn’t go there. Included was a place to stay with an old woman who lived in the mountains. There was an instant connection between us, and she told me a lot about her search for happiness, which she had found with her (guru) in India. So, I decided to go there.
Several months later I arrived in a small town in the Himalayas full of expectations and surrendered feelings. And there the troubles started. The so-called love I expected to find was replaced by rules and regulations. I had to wear special clothes, have an Aids test, worship (cooking, cleaning, etc.) and to pay a lot of money. But I decided to give it a chance.
In my first encounter with this so-called Enlightened Master, nothing happened. We had to sit in silence for several hours, and that was all. I began to wonder why all those people were there, some already for years just doing nothing. This ritual went on for days, and every day came with more rules. The people let me know that I was still an outsider who had to earn his place. On the fourth day I couldn’t stand it any more, and I told the guru before meditation that I was not going to do the Aids test, because I came here for self realization and not for sex. Then the bomb exploded. All these people around him started insulting me, shouting at me, “Who the hell do you think you are” and so on. At this moment I remembered my Avatar lessons and especially the no response exercises. It was quite incredible that these people couldn’t harm me anymore. I was just clear source with no mind movement. I noticed that the guru didn’t dare look me in the eyes, and I wondered why and what am I doing here? So I decided to go.
The next morning I started walking with my backpack. I had no special place to go and felt the disillusion still around my body. I walked a couple of miles when I noticed some graffiti on a wall. It said, “God is everywhere.” It gave me the shivers, and it still does.
As years went by in which I visited many Master courses to experience the loving environment in which I could go deeper into this “I am Source” feeling, there was still this part in me that couldn’t believe that I create it all. So, I created another guru, again in India. This time near the Ganges. The only difference was that this time it was not a search, but a research. And again, I found so many people around this master who gave up everything just for a dream about happiness. And I never found so much unhappiness and unclarity in one place. I saw people drinking Ganges water, because it is a holy river. They got typhus. I saw people who gave up their home and family that they loved. They were lonely. I saw people only talking about enlightenment and holy books who had experienced nothing. the only thing I saw there were ideas and a person on whom they all projected their dreams. So I stopped my research outside of me and came home.The Search has ended
There is nothing to search for
There is nothing to reach
There is just this moment
in which everything happens
Avatar is the mirror
without projection
No guru
No authority
No path
No dogmas
Know me.Peter de Haan, Heelsun, Netherlands
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