I’ve noticed lately that many people suffering from “lack” seem to be carrying a grudge about one thing or another. A grudge about the way they were treated by a parent, a spouse, a child, or maybe the government. Some of them seem to be carrying a grudge about how life is turning out, like someone owes them something more than what they are getting. Carry a grudge… hmmm. I thought I would look up the word grudge and just see what Webster had to say about it and find out exactly what it is people are carrying around.
Grudge: 1. v.t. To be reluctant to give, grant, or allow (something) through envy, spite or meanness. 2. n. a feeling of resentment, envy, or spite.
Carrying around a pouch of resentment, envy, or spite doesn’t sound so optimal. It seems heavy, time consuming, and probably eats up much of our supply of creative energy. Isn’t creative energy what we use to manifest abundance? Grudging (by this I mean being actively involved with and putting energy into carrying a grudge) seems like a poor choice when compared to forgiving. What is forgiving anyway?
Forgive: v.t. To excuse, to pardon, to remit or cancel a debt.
Which one feels lighter or easier? Grudging seems like so much work. I heard a gal on television the other day say, “Holding a grudge and not forgiving someone is like taking poison and waiting for someone else to die.” That doesn’t sound nice. Can you think of anyone you know who has not excused or not pardoned a mis-take that by now they could have? It’s as if they need to hold it in place for some reason. It sure seems like this grudging eats up life, possibility, and the present moment.
I wonder why people hold onto resentment or spite? I’ve known some who have spent a lot of time and a lot of life being angry or upset about what happened in the past. I wonder why we don’t all just let it go and forgive. Why not just cancel the debt, excuse or pardon the mistake, and get on with having some joy?
Harry Palmer, author of the Avatar materials, says that “The past is not the source of the present; the present is the source of the past and the source of the future. It’s all right here, right now.”
Grudging is not only exhausting, it takes all our power out of the present and keeps it in the past. Holding a grudge actually uses the present to prove the past is true. How do I know? I was an expert grudger; I had a pretty horrific childhood that gave me enough material and ammunition to grudge for several lifetimes. I even ended up with a serious disease and used my failure as a tool to punish the people I was blaming for my condition. I tried to make them feel responsible for how my life was turning out. In other words, I was using up life energy to make others wrong. How could I create any abundance when I was so busy being right?
Then some magic came into my life—The Avatar Course.
I was very skeptical about all the claims people were making about Avatar: It helps you quiet your mind; it helps you forgive and let go of the past; it helps you love life. I had tried so many things before this that I wasn’t buying. Nothing had really changed my patterns, not so far. Sure, I had engaged in many practices that helped me see my repeating patterns, I studied and analyzed it all to death, but understanding it didn’t make it stop. There was still resentment and spite underlying aspects of my life. I could feel it; I could see it by the experiences I was attracting. The repeating patterns were unmistakable, my relationships were on the “nobody really cares” and “I’m not good enough” track. Finally when three people told me about Avatar in a short period of time, something nudged me to listen. I thought, What the heck? I will do one more class. What do I have to lose?
Well, I lost something all right; I let go of the past. I mean really let go of it, physically, emotionally, and mentally. The Avatar processes are like nothing I had ever used. They are done from your heart, not your head. I learned how it feels to truly forgive and open my heart to life. I had no idea how shut off I was. I had no measuring stick for how closed up a heart could be until I felt the exhilaration of opening mine up. This awareness started awakening the first day of The Avatar Course.
I had no idea how much love and care I was missing until I started to feel love and care that came from doing the exercises on course. Not feeling it had become the norm in life. I didn’t even know how much of the past I was lugging around. Then we started the Section III exercises, and I found a creation that was transparent and on automatic from the age of four. Like water to a fish, it was just who I was, at least so I thought, until it was gone. I couldn’t believe it when I felt it go. It was as if my body lost a hundred pounds, and my heart giggled. It was a sigh of such relief, like my body and soul were finally free.
The magic of Avatar has allowed me to empty out the pain, fear, and worry from the past and feel alive, real, and creative. I have a clear space to create life from; it is amazing. I feel like a child again, and my life is propelled by gratitude and happiness. My body is happy, and I am changed in such a way that it has affected everyone I am close to; my family is more connected and caring than ever before. Finally it is peaceful inside of me, and it is showing up everywhere on the outside. My life is abundance in motion.
Forgiveness is such a blessing, such a graceful, precious act. Thank you, Harry Palmer, from the deepest place in my heart.
Holly Riley, an Avatar Master from Nevada
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