Healing Our Addiction To Victimhood
by Cata Low
My husband and I were introduced by a six foot quadriplegic who had done the Avatar course. Mique had been in a wheelchair for 20 some years, since he had broken his neck in a diving accident at age 17. The thing that struck one about Mique was his power and grace. He couldn’t move from the neck down, but he was not a victim. His house was filled with people. He had beautiful girlfriends. He tutored schoolkids. He led a support group for ill adults. He painted and wrote poetry. He read voraciously. I used to sit and talk to Mique for hours. One thing that we liked to do was to dissect words and look for deeper meanings.
Many words that we bandy about have a profound meaning when we stop and consider their roots.
For example, the word “repent.” “Re” means to do again. “Pent” comes from the Latin root which means “to think.” So that loaded word, repent, means simply to rethink. When we rethink or re-evaluate a limiting belief structure or life premise, our lives can move in a more aligned and healthy direction.
Another of my favorites is “enthused.” We all know how good that feels! En=in. Theos=God. In God. In Life. In Spirit!
On the other end of the pole is the word “victim.” Newspapers and weekly TV shows are raking it in from “victim” stories. It has a strong appeal. When I looked this up I was amazed. The root is “weik,” which is from the Indo-European language group, and it means “to separate.” (Weak comes from the same root!)
So if we are a victim, we feel weak, powerless, and separate from something. What is that something? I flipped back a couple of pages in my memory to the floppy disk labeled “victim.” And I recalled the feeling. I felt separate from other people. Didn’t want to interact. I also felt separate from my power, low energy, no creativity. I felt separate from nature. I could be in beautiful places and not connect. And I felt separate from my Source, God, Life, Spirit. Cut off. The feeling of victimhood.
Another culturally popular word today is “survivor.” It feels like kind of a first cousin to victim. So I looked it up. “Sur” means over, above, upon or beyond. “Vive,” of course, means life.
People who call themselfs “survivors” are living over, above, upon or beyond something. But what is this something we are living “over”? It is a traumatic event or memory. The good news is we are living over it. But the bad news is the traumatic event that we are living “over,” is still “under” us. We tend to define our lives by the traumatic event, instead of something more expansive.
When we call ourselves survivors, the traumatic event remains the central focus of our identity, our life. We literally can make an idol of that event, by feeding it our attention. We can use it as the Central Excuse for our doubt du jour. We can become addicted to the idea of victimhood. “I will never be normal because I am a depressed person, alcoholic, sexually abused, veteran, etc. and nobody but another (same) can ever understand! And so we suffer our special separation.
We can find an amount of strength from our sub-group, but somehow, there is that underlying feeling of being different. A victim. A vital enlivening piece is missing.
Mique didn’t define himself as a victim or survivor. He was a creator. You would forget that he was even in a wheelchair. There were a couple of paraplegics in his complex who had no use of their legs. They had become alcoholics. They saw themselves as separate, as victims. Not Mique. He didn’t pay his dues to the Survivors Club; he paid it to the “Allow for the Possibility,” “Magic Happens” and “Do your Dream” clubs (all of which are bumper stickers he created). He eventually married and moved to Hawaii, where he parasailed and scuba-dived with the help of his friends. He was filled with life.
The Avatar course is about that quantum leap in our minds from blame and victimhood to a joyful personal authorship of our choices and our lives. If we are living in a city, apartment, job or relationship we don’t like...why? What belief is keeping us there? What do we have to re-think to move back “in Theos” to a life we can be enthused about!
If you would like to feel more aliveness and enthusiasm for life, and live that way, you may be ready to explore the Avatar course.
Cata Low, Austin, Texas
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