by Nicola Karesh

Growing up, somebody older told me what to believe and usually, that was all it took.

I went to my mother when I was little and told her that I had a headache. She informed me that children do not get headaches. Oh. Okay. I guess I don’t have one then. Internally, I decided to believe her. From that day on, I got good at distancing and separating myself from pain. I was removed from it… because my mother said so. It came in really handy with period cramps and labor pains.

When I was ten, I drew a picture of a heart and wrote, “I love me” in the middle and proudly took it to school. My teacher slapped my hand with the ruler and called me selfish.

Now I know that I did not go anywhere good with that indoctrinated belief not to love yourself. It probably was the source of much unhappiness, sadness and confusion that followed.

Much of the beliefs that we take on at a young age, come from our elders who feel that they know best. Naturally, it is then their duty to impart their best wisdom to the younger, impressionable ones. I am sure that most of their intentions are good and that they truly believe what they are saying is right… is truth.

Now I am a little older and I am not so swayed by being one of the mindless sheep who just blindly obeys because the majority says so. Who put you in charge of my life anyway? Whose adventure is this?

How do you decide what to believe?

About 2 years ago, I was a stay-at-home mother with 2 small children. I had never used a baby-sitter and had no intentions of using one. It was either going to be me, my husband or possibly my mother for a limited time. That’s it! No foreign bodies infiltrating my terrain!

A colleague pointed out to me that there were such things called baby-sitters. I said yes, I was aware of that fact, but you can have them, not me.

Then, I got inspired. I heard a talk by Harry Palmer at an Avatar Course that tugged at my heart and called me to service. He was inviting us to contribute to the creation of an enlightened planetary civilization. It felt like there was energy vibrating all around me and I could feel my Higher Self calling me to action. It was so pure and so clear. I wanted to jump up, raise my hand and shout out “yes!” I wanted to be a part of this.

Then my ego, my world self came in to play and the thinking started. How on earth was I going to do this? What’s it going to cost? How could I afford this? What was my husband going to say? Who would look after the children? Are you crazy? You can’t do this!

I started to feel the constraints, the limits of the box that I had placed myself in.

Everything that I had done up to that date, neatly coincided with my husband’s off-time. If he was working, then I was not going to do it. I had never bumped into anything that I wanted badly enough to jolt me out of that reality.

I looked at the situation the old way… figuring, analyzing, conjuring… a lot of mental activity to come up with the solution before I decided to proceed. I tossed and turned this way and that for two days. I knew that the ego was doing it’s little dance and I let it. I felt my Higher Self patiently waiting in the background.

On the second day, I decided to stop the nonsense. I decided to put into practice Avatar tools that I had recently learned. I decided to go for what my heart was calling me to do even though all of my i’s were not dotted and my t’s were not crossed.

I decided. I made my intentions known to others. I created a new belief about my children loving new people coming into their life. Things began to fall into place once I put steps in motion to create a new reality.

I put my foot forward into open space and the universe rose to support me. How cool is that!

Years later, when I participate in courses, my children travel with me. They love the adventure of it all. They love meeting new people. They embrace it. So do I. My willingness to allow it to happen was essential. Trusting the process with what I had learned through Avatar allowed everything to unfold beautifully.

Deliberately deciding because that is what you choose feels more liberating that pigeon-holing yourself with what you feel you are supposed to believe. In Living Deliberately, Harry Palmer writes about The Avatar Course, “The purpose is to assist you in returning to the level of consciousness at which you are the knowing creative source of your own beliefs. Along the way you are going to learn that what you believe is not nearly as important as knowing how you believe.” Avatar provided me with the tools to create what I want in my life. I can be the chooser rather than the reactor. When you are ready, so can you.

Nicola Karesh, North Carolina

 

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